Genesis 43:31 Meaning: Composure After Weeping
He washed his face, and came out. He controlled himself, and said, “Serve the meal.”
And he washed his face, and went out, and refrained himself, and said, Set on bread.
And he washed his face, and came out; and he refrained himself, and said, Set on bread.
and he washeth his face, and goeth out, and refraineth himself, and saith, `Place bread.'
And he washed his face, and came out, and controlled himself, and said, Set on bread.
Meaning in one sentence
Joseph wept privately for Benjamin, then washed his face and restrained himself to serve the meal, a portrait of controlled grief and faithful duty.
Context
Joseph has not seen his brothers since they sold him into slavery. Now he is governor of Egypt, and his brothers have come to buy grain during the famine. He has tested them harshly, but when he sees his youngest brother Benjamin, his mother’s only other son, the emotion breaks through. He hurries to a private room and weeps. Then he washes his face, composes himself, and returns to order the meal served. The verse sits at a turning point: Joseph is still hiding his identity, but his deep love is leaking through the cracks of his disguise.
Key Words
Two Hebrew words in this verse carry the weight of the moment. The verb for washed (ra·chats) often refers to bathing or washing away something visible, here, the tear stains on his face. Washing was not just hygiene; it let him re-enter the room without betraying that he had been weeping.
The most striking word is refrained himself (yit·’a·phaq), from the root aphaq meaning “to hold back, restrain.” The form is Hithpael, a reflexive: he forced himself, compelled his own heart. This is not casual composure; it is a deliberate act of self-control. The same root appears in Isaiah 42:14, where God says He has “restrained Himself.” Joseph is not hiding weakness, he is choosing strength for a purpose.
And set on bread uses le·chem, the ordinary word for bread, but here it means the whole meal. He commands dinner to be served. After tears, he returns to the practical duty of hospitality.
How Christians Read This Verse
Historic commentators notice Joseph’s self-restraint as a hinge in the story. The Cambridge Bible notes his effort broke down completely just two verses later in Genesis 45. Matthew Henry sees it as part of Joseph’s wisdom in testing his brothers, maintaining the disguise long enough to see if they have truly changed. Keil and Delitzsch emphasize the depth of emotion: Joseph’s “bowels did yearn” so intensely that he had to weep, but after composing himself, he ordered dinner. Across traditions, readers see this verse as a quiet picture of someone who feels deeply yet does the next thing that love requires.
A common misunderstanding
Living This Out
This week you may face a moment when emotion swells, grief, anxiety, even joy, and you still have a meal to serve, a child to help, a task to finish. Joseph shows that tears are not the enemy of faithfulness. Let yourself weep honestly, but then wash your face. Composure is not coldness; it is the choice to keep going for the sake of others. Ask yourself: what is the next small act of love I can do, even with a heavy heart? Do that.
Main takeaway: Joseph wept privately, washed his face, and served the meal, a quiet picture of loving restraint and faithful duty.
For Families
For ages 5, 8
Joseph was so happy to see his little brother Benjamin that he cried. But then he washed his face and went back to eat dinner with them. It is okay to cry, and then it is okay to smile again.
For ages 9, 12
Joseph had to hide his tears because he was not ready to tell his brothers who he was yet. He did not want them to see he had been crying, so he washed his face and acted calm. Even though he was the ruler of Egypt, he still felt sad and happy at the same time. Sometimes you have to control your feelings until the right moment, and that takes real strength.
Questions People Ask
Why did Joseph weep in private instead of in front of his brothers?
Joseph was still disguised as an Egyptian official. If he wept in front of them, they would have seen his emotion and maybe suspected who he was. He needed to continue testing their hearts before revealing himself. Weeping privately also let him be fully honest with his own feelings without losing control of the situation.
What does 'refrained himself' mean in the original Hebrew?
The Hebrew word is 'yit'aphaq', a reflexive verb from the root 'aphaq', meaning to hold back or restrain. The form means he forced himself, composed himself by effort. It is not passive self-control but an active, strong act of will.
Why was Joseph testing his brothers at this point?
Joseph wanted to see if his brothers had changed since they sold him into slavery. He especially wanted to know if they would abandon Benjamin as they had abandoned him. By holding back and setting up these tests, he was looking for evidence of repentance and love.
Why did Joseph give Benjamin five times as much food at the meal?
This was a test similar to the coat of many colors. By favoring Benjamin, Joseph was checking to see if his brothers would become jealous again. If they resented Benjamin, it would show they had not changed. Instead, they drank and were merry, suggesting their hearts had softened.
Did Joseph forgive his brothers at this point?
Not yet. Joseph still had not revealed himself. The forgiveness comes in Genesis 45 when he finally makes himself known. At this point in the story, he is still working through the process of testing and healing, preparing the way for full reconciliation.
For pastors & researchers
Hebrew interlinear, 8 commentaries & word study