2 Samuel 13:20 Meaning: Quiet Words That Hid Hatred
Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.
And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.
And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but now hold thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; take not this thing to heart. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.
and Absalom her brother saith unto her, `Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? and now, my sister, keep silent, he is thy brother; set not thy heart to this thing;' and Tamar dwelleth--but desolate--in the house of Absalom her brother.
And Absalom her brother said to her, Has Amnon thy brother been with thee? and now, my sister, be still: he is thy brother; take not this thing to heart. And Tamar remained, and [that] desolate, in her brother Absalom's house.
Meaning in one sentence
Absalom tells Tamar to be quiet about the assault, but his words mask a growing hatred. This verse shows how silence can become a tool for revenge.
Context
This chapter is one of the most painful in David's family story. Tamar, the king's daughter, has just been raped by her half‑brother Amnon. She tears her robe and walks home crying aloud. King David hears about it and is angry, but he does nothing. Then Absalom, her full brother, speaks to her. His words sound calm and reasonable, a brother telling a sister not to let it ruin her. But the chapter soon reveals his real plan: he was waiting to kill Amnon himself. So this verse sits at the hinge between Tamar's suffering and Absalom's calculated revenge. The quiet he commands is not peace; it is a lid on a boiling pot.
Key Words
The Hebrew command behind “hold your peace” is hachariyshiy, from a root that can mean to be silent but also to plough in secret. There is a heaviness in the word: the kind of quiet that buries something underground. Absalom does not invite her to grieve or to speak; he shuts the door on her voice. The second key word describes what happened next. Tamar “remained desolate”, shomemah, a word used of ruined cities and abandoned wives. It means devastated, stripped of life and hope. These two words together tell the whole story: a command to be silent, and a life left in ruins because of it. The language itself names what was taken from her.
How Christians Read This Verse
Commentators across traditions agree that Absalom’s words were not compassion. The Cambridge Bible notes he urged her to bear it patiently to avoid a public scandal, while intending to watch for his own chance to take revenge. Gill points out that Absalom uses a contemptuous form of Amnon’s name, showing his hatred. Wesley says he covered his design of vengeance under the guise of family unity. So the church has read this passage not as a model for comforting the wounded, but as a warning: silence can be a strategy for evil, not a gift of love.
A common misunderstanding
It is easy to read this as Absalom comforting his sister, telling her to calm down and move on. In fact, his words were designed to keep the matter quiet so he could later take revenge without arousing suspicion. The Hebrew shows he commanded her silence, and the surrounding verses reveal he hated Amnon and waited two full years to kill him. What looks like gentle counsel is really cold calculation.
Living This Out
This week, when someone tells you about a hurt they have suffered, notice how you respond. Do you rush to calm them down, to smooth things over, to avoid a fallout? The verse asks us to sit with pain without managing it. Real comfort listens instead of closing the matter. And it challenges us to look at our own motives when we advise others to “not take it to heart.” Is that loving counsel, or is it just the easiest path for you? Absalom’s example invites us to examine the difference.
Main takeaway: Absalom’s quiet advice hid a heart set on vengeance, reminding us that silence can be a weapon, not a comfort.
For Families
For ages 5, 8
When someone hurts you, it is not wrong to tell a grown-up you trust. God wants us to help people who are sad, not tell them to be quiet.
For ages 9, 12
Absalom told Tamar to be quiet about what Amnon did. But his words were not kind. He was actually planning to get revenge himself. The Bible shows us that real friends listen to our hurt and help us find the right way to get help. Hiding what happened usually makes things worse.
Questions People Ask
Why did Absalom tell Tamar to be quiet?
Absalom’s words sound calm, but the Bible shows he was hiding his hatred for Amnon. He wanted to avoid a public scandal so he could later kill Amnon himself without suspicion. His silence was a strategy for revenge.
What does ‘desolate’ mean in 2 Samuel 13:20?
The Hebrew word ‘shomemah’ describes something ruined and deserted. It is used of abandoned cities and childless women. Tamar’s life became empty and isolated after the assault, even while living in her brother’s house.
Was Absalom right to say ‘Don’t take this thing to heart’?
Absalom’s advice was not based on love for Tamar. He was urging her to suppress her grief so nothing would interfere with his own plan for vengeance. The Bible elsewhere teaches us to mourn with those who mourn, not to silence them.
What did King David do when he heard about Amnon?
Verse 21 says David was very angry, but he did nothing to punish Amnon, who was his firstborn son. That failure opened the door for Absalom to take matters into his own hands.
Why is this story in the Bible?
This story shows the painful consequences of sin within God’s people, even the king’s family. It reveals how unaddressed wrongs fester into worse evil, and it points to our need for a justice only God can bring rightly.
For pastors & researchers
Hebrew interlinear, 8 commentaries & word study